Social experiment: The outcome

I'm reporting back, with a little hindsight, on what happened when I asked folks not to bring gifts to my girls' birthday parties. I needed a little hindsight to get over A) the shock of back-to-back parties; B) over 30 guests, spread over the two events; C) the frustration at people; D) the joy of finding kindred spirits.

It was actually easier with Solanne's guests. I had the advantage of not knowing any of the parents personally. I knew a few from passing them in the morning and saying hello, but otherwise, I didn't even know their names. So when they called and the Gift Issue came up, it was easy to explain the situation to them. I got everything from the enthusiasm of "what a great idea!" to the do-you-kick-puppies tone of "why no gifts?" to the helpful "what can I bring to the party?" So we ended up with a bouquet of flowers, two quiches, juice, soft drinks, pretzels, a plush flower, and two kids' books. Not bad.

With Maïa's friends' parents, it was a little trickier. These are people we've known for about two years, ever since Maïa started at daycare. We've had play-dates with these people, shared Christmas concerts and other birthday parties, commiserated when a teacher left, celebrated "graduation" together. So when we asked that they not bring gifts, one parent actually refused. She said there was no way she could go to a party without bringing something. We offered to let her bring some food. Nothing doing. But it wasn't a toy: Maïa got some really funky clothes. And her other friends each brought a little something, too. In my mind, these would be perfectly acceptable normal birthday gifts, but these were the tokens in lieu of gifts. I can't imagine what would have happened if we'd opened the floodgates to actual gifts.

A few die-hard balloons still float in our livingroom and there's still some left over cake, but the streamers are gone and the fallout of the parties has been cleaned up. All in all, the experiment went well. And we'll have to do it all over again next year, with a whole new set of guests!

Social experiment

The girls both have birthdays coming up, and this year we've planned two separate parties to celebrate. Solanne's birthday party will take place this weekend. I've invited all her friends from daycare—yes, I will have over a dozen three-year-olds and their parents in my house. I must be insane. Maïa, who is choosier about her friends, will have a smaller gathering of about 6 girls the following Saturday.

I must preface the rest of my story with an explanation of our families. Derek and I are blessed to be surrounded by parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts & uncles, and cousins, all wishing us well and all wanting to shower love—and many, many gifts— upon our children. We are gracious. Well, mostly we've been told we're not allowed to say no. It's a grandparent's (or aunt's or cousin's) right to spoil a child.

Keeping that in mind, I decided to kindly, but firmly, ask parents of our birthday party guests not to bring gifts. This, I knew, might be a little strange to some. I never realised how foreign it would be to a few. Here are some of the reactions I've gotten so far:

No gifts? Oh. Alright. Can I buy her some clothes, then?

I saw your note. Can I bring some food to the party to help you out?

I wish I would have thought of that before my kid had a birthday party!

Oh. I hadn't noticed the note. Really? Are you sure?

I'm hoping that no one will show up with a gift bag in hand. I just want to have a fun time with the kids and then send them on their merry way so that I can clean up and get ready for the next party.

I'll keep you posted on how this experiment turns out.

Blah

This is what we're getting for the foreseeable future. Break out the rubber boots and the slickers!

The back bone's connected to the... foot bone?

Solanne was sitting in the bathroom, her clothes off, shivering and hunched over as she waited to get into the bath when she made a startling discovery. Her back was itchy, so she reached around to her spine and felt something knobly.

"Wook Momma! I have ankles on my back!"

Green clean

When I moved out on my own, I had a few cleaning products that were stand-bys: Fantastic, Windex, Ajax, and Swiffer dusters.

It was Maïa's arrival into my life that made me conscious of the intense odours that came from these products (yes, even Swiffer smells!). We began to purge our home of these cleaning products, slowly. We kept the Fantastic and the others until we finished them up; we used them for the big spring cleaning jobs. For the rest, we found alternatives.

We tried, for a while, to use those supposedly "green" alternative cleansers. One claimed that it was used to clean the feathers of birds who had been victims of oil spills. The smell was just as intense as any other cleaner. We tried different products available in our local health food store, but they all left us a little disappointed.

My basic rule is this: if I have to call poison control because my child has ingested something, I will do my best not to use it in my home (some things I can't avoid, but I try to minimise their use).

So what do we use? There are two mainstays in our house: white vinegar and baking soda. I can get most of the jobs done with them. And every once in a while, I'll offer cleaning tips on how to use them.

This week's tip: cleaning a wet mattress or carpet or upholstery.

Most parents have been faced with this task numerous times: cleaning spit-up, pee, and other spills from various porous surfaces, like mattresses, couches, and carpets. I used to use a paper towel to mop up the mess, a stain-remover to catch the colour, and a deodoriser to make everything smell just a little less pungent.

Green approach: after picking up whatever chunks that may be present, liberally sprinkle baking soda on the spot. Let dry (it will become crusty). Vacuum it up. And voilà! You have a clean, stain-free and odour-free surface again.

Bonus: it's much cheaper, and it takes less effort and less time.