I'm reporting back, with a little hindsight, on what happened when I asked folks not to bring gifts to my girls' birthday parties. I needed a little hindsight to get over A) the shock of back-to-back parties; B) over 30 guests, spread over the two events; C) the frustration at people; D) the joy of finding kindred spirits.
It was actually easier with Solanne's guests. I had the advantage of not knowing any of the parents personally. I knew a few from passing them in the morning and saying hello, but otherwise, I didn't even know their names. So when they called and the Gift Issue came up, it was easy to explain the situation to them. I got everything from the enthusiasm of "what a great idea!" to the do-you-kick-puppies tone of "why no gifts?" to the helpful "what can I bring to the party?" So we ended up with a bouquet of flowers, two quiches, juice, soft drinks, pretzels, a plush flower, and two kids' books. Not bad.
With Maïa's friends' parents, it was a little trickier. These are people we've known for about two years, ever since Maïa started at daycare. We've had play-dates with these people, shared Christmas concerts and other birthday parties, commiserated when a teacher left, celebrated "graduation" together. So when we asked that they not bring gifts, one parent actually refused. She said there was no way she could go to a party without bringing something. We offered to let her bring some food. Nothing doing. But it wasn't a toy: Maïa got some really funky clothes. And her other friends each brought a little something, too. In my mind, these would be perfectly acceptable normal birthday gifts, but these were the tokens in lieu of gifts. I can't imagine what would have happened if we'd opened the floodgates to actual gifts.
A few die-hard balloons still float in our livingroom and there's still some left over cake, but the streamers are gone and the fallout of the parties has been cleaned up. All in all, the experiment went well. And we'll have to do it all over again next year, with a whole new set of guests!
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We are attempting the same thing for Christmas...I'm not sure if the message got through. I think we might end up with tickets to shows or something of the kind. I least it's not physical objects ;-) Maybe next year my familly will really understand that we meant nothing at all. Just making time for each other.
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